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How to Talk to Mutual Friends about Your California Divorce

by Dinnebier & Demmerle on April 21, 2014

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Here’s one of the most challenging aspects to getting divorce: how should you present the news to mutual friends? Should you “split up” friends from the marriage? Or is it obnoxious and unfair to force your friends to “choose”?

 

Despite the proliferation of advice columns, standup comic routines, and even sociological research on these questions, there are no hard and fast rules. Typically, there is some substantial relationship “reshuffling” after a divorce or separation. In some cases, this reshuffling happens organically. For instance, you might have become really good friends with your husband’s best friend from childhood, but he’s probably going to stay friends with your husband no matter what.

 

However, you might have more difficulty “reallocating” mutual friends, such as couples that you met while you were married. You and your ex probably have different stories about the separation, and you may want to ensure that your narrative gets heard, particularly if you believe that your ex made up lies or misrepresented your behavior or intentions.

 

As you go through this painful process, bear in mind the Golden Rule. Stick to your ethical principles. Don’t make up lies. Listen carefully. Don’t use your friends to litigate the separation – and don’t be hesitant to keep the situation private. And avoid getting sucked into “drama” with various friendships and relationships.

 

Right now, do the activities that you know need to get done. For instance, if you haven’t yet retained a California divorce and family law attorney, call Dinnebier & Demmerle to schedule a consultation with us.

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